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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27641380">Never Mind The Darkness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa'>Kissa</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht'>Polarnacht</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Sex, Bottom Jace Wayland, Caring, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Marking, Oral Sex, Parabatai, Possessive Alec Lightwood, Protective Alec Lightwood, Secret Relationship, Smut, Top Alec Lightwood, parabatai love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:29:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,968</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27641380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jace dies and comes back - outwardly unchanged, but Alec feels that something happened to him. Jace avoids him, burying himself in work and demon hunting. But Alec didn’t wait to be with Jace for half his life to let him slip away now. He is prepared to show Jace that no matter what happened or will happen, he will always be by Jace’s side.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Jalec, Malace 101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Never Mind The Darkness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessa/gifts">Jessa</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Jessa: Thank you for being amazing! Hope you have a wonderful day 💙</p>
<p>Art by Kissa, story by Polarnacht</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Alec wakes to a cold and empty bed. He sighs silently. It’s the way he wakes up most of the time lately. And the way he falls asleep. He hates it. He hates it every time but he also doesn’t know how to change it. He misses Jace with an intensity that nearly frightens him. But only nearly. He knows that not the actual missing is the problem. It’s the reason why he is missing him. Jace is avoiding him. And Alec doesn’t know why. He cannot make head or tail of Jace’s behavior lately. Ever since Jace died, he acts strangely. Ever since Jace came back to life, outwardly unchanged, but rattled to the core. Ever since then Jace pulls away from Alec. And Alec hates it.</p>
<p>Hates that out of a sudden there is something between them that has no business being there. Hates that he seems unable to reach Jace through the invisible barrier Jace has constructed around himself. But Alec is determined to change that. He has not spent half his youth pining over Jace to let him slip away the moment he finally has him. It’s all still new and raw between them, not yet settled, but Alec already knows that it is so much more than he has ever dreamed of. He knows that he will love Jace forever.</p>
<p>The road that led to them being together wasn’t easy and somehow forced. They needed the help of Magnus and a memory demon to help Clary get back her mother. The price the demon demanded was high. A memory of the person they loved the most. But they all agreed to pay it.</p>
<p>For a few seconds, Alec freaked when the memory demon dragged Jace's picture out of his brain and into the open, exposing it for everyone to see. Showing that of course Jace was the one he loved the most. Who else could it be? But when Alec was just about to pull his hand free and yank it back, Jace’s hand closed more strongly around his own, keeping him at his place while keeping him also at Jace’s side.</p>
<p>Alec drew in a shaky breath when the demon proceeded with an image of the person Jace loved the most - and it was him. It wasn’t a moment from their first solo mission, their runing ceremony or some other obvious occasion Alec would have pictured. Still, he remembered the incident the demon picked as clearly as if it happened only hours ago. It was one quiet moment where Alec had been talking to someone else. He had been deep in a conversation until he had felt familiar eyes on him. He had looked up and when he had locked eyes with Jace, Jace’s whole face had lit up as if nothing else mattered than stare into Alec’s eyes. And apparently his own face had glowed in the same way, seeing the memory through Jace’s eyes now.</p>
<p>For Alec the memory the demon showed was the moment he realized that Jace was not a crush that would go by and could be replaced by someone else. For Jace it was the moment he realized that he was in love with Alec, as he later confessed. Later, when they lay naked and curled up next to each other in Jace’s bed, an awkward conversation and hot sex behind them and a bright joint future ahead of them. Joint, but hidden.</p>
<p>They still have to hide. They have to lie and sneak around, as it is still forbidden for Parabatai to become lovers. For no reason, as there clearly is no curse. There are enhanced feelings, and an even stronger connection that felt at first as uncontrollable as right after their ceremony. But as they mastered it back then, they manage to navigate the bond now. The hiding itself was and is harder than controlling their bond. It is hard to keep their distance when all Alec wants is to pull Jace close, lean his head on his shoulder and interlace their hands. But they can’t and Alec hates it.</p>
<p>Alec stays in bed just a little longer, daydreaming of their getting together, though he knows he can’t sleep anymore. It’s early in the morning and he has a few more hours left before his duty starts, but he is too restless now. The bed feels too empty and the tug to his bond is too demanding to stay, so Alec pushes himself up to go find Jace. Though he doesn’t need to look for Jace. He <em> knows </em>where he is. Where he always was in the past few days. In the ops center, his eyes glued to the screen, searching for demons to fight just to avoid fighting the demons within.</p>
<p>For a moment Alec just watches Jace. His Parabatai. His boyfriend. His miracle. But coming back to life came with a price, though Alec is not sure yet what price it exactly is. He just knows they both pay for it. Jace looks tired to the bones, as if he hasn’t slept in days, which is probably true. His skin looks pale and waxen and the way he closes his eyes for a few moments tells how exhausted he is. The faint golden glow of the Stamina rune just adds to the yellowish tone of his face.</p>
<p>Alec doesn’t know what is haunting Jace, why he is not sleeping anymore. He knows of Jace’s nightmares, he has always been the one to hold them in check. What he doesn’t know is why Jace thinks he has to hide them again. When Jace came to live with them, he hid them until Alec had enough of the muffled screams and pained whimpers at night and the dark circles under his eyes in the daylight.</p>
<p>One night, he slipped into bed with Jace and told him that he wouldn’t leave, no matter what Jace did. Jace huffed, annoyed like only a too proud boy of 10 years could huff, but he accepted his defeat and let Alec stay. When the nightmares were the worst, they often lay awake together, not talking but at least not alone. Jace’s huff to Alec’s questions if he were okay and if he wanted to talk, was always the same. Annoyed with an edge to disbelieving that Alec really cared. But Alec stayed, no matter how often Jace huffed and tried to push him away. Alec was just as stubborn as Jace, and after weeks of shoving back and forth, Jace finally gave in and started to trust Alec. And to speak. The nightmares didn’t go away fully, but curled up into Alec they were better bearable and the more Jace talked about them, the more they lost their importance and scariness. But for some reason, Jace thinks he has to hide them again.  </p>
<p>Alec is done with Jace hiding. He is done standing by and watching him spiral downwards. He is done with letting himself be pushed to the side.</p>
<p>“Talk to me,” he demands, using his full height to tower over Jace’s crouched figure. Jace just keeps watching the screens, pretending not to have heard him.</p>
<p>“Jace,” Alec hisses. It’s a clear warning and thankfully Jace hears that. He looks up, his eyes taking that tiny moment too long to adjust, revealing his bone deep tiredness.</p>
<p>“Jace,” Alec says again, softer this time, the hiss turning into a plea. “Talk to me.”</p>
<p>Jace blinks a few times, his whole composure softening under Alec’s stare and his gentle tone, his hard surface cracking a little open. But then a shudder runs through him, fixing the crack and straightening his stand. Jace crosses his arms and leans back. It’s just a tiny adjustment but it hurts Alec more than the words that follow.</p>
<p>“About what, Alec? There is nothing to talk about.”</p>
<p>Alec’s groan is swallowed by the loud ringing noise of an alarm. Demon activity. Instantly Jace’s face lights up, he already reaches for his blade. Red alarm dots blink on the screen in several spots. Of course, demons have the worst timing possible.</p>
<p>Soon the room is filled with several Shadowhunters, all gearing up while simultaneously listening to Maryse’s orders: small teams of three Shadowhunters will head out to hunt the demons, two back up teams are to remain in the Institute if something new happens or a team needs help. The usual approach when different demons swarm the city at the same time.</p>
<p>Alec doesn’t really listen to his mother, everything she says is protocol. He is too busy watching Jace, who is strapping another dagger to his thigh holster. Jace’s movements are as precise and quick as always, but Alec sees the effort it costs Jace.</p>
<p>“Jace, you will lead the team in sector G, Alec you take over sector B with your team.” Maryse's words cut through Alec’s concerns, making his head jerk up. He opens his mouth to argue that he needs to be with Jace on the same team. But when he sees the stern look in his mother’s eyes, he knows every protest will be in vain. They have lost too many experienced Shadowhunters in the war against Valentine. There is no one to lead the tag teams besides them. And the only reason he can voice officially why he wants Jace on his team is their Parabatai bond. And the reason won’t stand. So Alec grits his teeth and just nods, the motion mirrored by Jace. They both hate it. They both will obey their orders.</p>
<p>Alec steps around the table that separates them, his stele in hand. Without saying a word, he pushes Jace’s shirt up to mark him. For the battle, but also as his. <em> Accuracy. Sure-Footed. Heightened-Speed. Agility. </em>It’s the usual set Alec places on Jace’s abdomen without having to think about them.</p>
<p>He feels Jace slightly tremble under his touches whenever his fingertips brush very deliberately over his naked skin. Without looking up, not caring if they are being watched, Alec pushes Jace’s shirt up even higher, exposing his complete chest. He locks eyes briefly with Jace, before he puts his stele down on Jace’s heart. With a fluid motion he draws another rune. <em> Protection. </em>A low moan escapes Jace’s mouth when the rune lights up with a red-golden glow, making Jace’s eyes shine in the same tone for a few seconds.</p>
<p>Jace’s hand reaches for Alec and automatically Alec steps forward into the searching hand, letting himself be pulled down until their foreheads touch. It’s all they can do here in the open. And it’s not enough, it probably will never be enough. Alec desperately wants to crash their lips together, tell Jace how much he loves him, how much he needs him to come back to him – not only meaning for Jace to come back from the hunt, but also back into their relationship. Alec needs Jace back in every meaning of the word. He just cannot go on like this.</p>
<p>Alec feels Jace’s body getting heavy against his. It’s a sign of his trust, but even more a sign of his exhaustion. And even though Alec hates doing it, he knows he has to. Alec knows that applying<em> Stamina </em> too often has its price, but not giving it Jace could cost an even higher one. So he sighs, but applies it anyway on Jace’s neck, while their foreheads still touch. Before the moment inevitably comes and they have to break apart.</p>
<p>They take a moment longer to look at each other, taking in the familiar features. <em> Be careful. </em>And though Alec hasn’t said it aloud, Jace nods in response anyway, a serenity in his eyes that is unusual for him. But it’s too early to make a joke about this, even when the request is not voiced loud. It probably will always be too early to joke about it, considering that the last time Alec told Jace to be careful and Jace made a joke, Jace died.</p>
<p>With a last look, Alec snatches his bow, turns around and leaves, his small team on his heels and Jace’s eyes on his back.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec is glad that Jace doesn’t close his side of the bond fully like he used to over the past couple of days. He needs to feel him now. He needs to know he is still alive while they are apart fighting their own battles. But what reaches Alec through their connection, is reassuring. It’s the usual height of a fight that comes through the bond in waves. It’s the adrenaline and the satisfaction he is used to feeling from Jace. It’s all a little tuned down, everything tainted with exhaustion but nothing to worry about. He thinks he can even feel when Jace finally kills the demon, the smugness resonating in their rune. To say Alec is relieved is an understatement.</p>
<p>His own mission isn’t as easy as expected. When they reach their destination, the demon has already moved on. It takes them a long time to relocate it. But finally they do, and they close in on it in an abandoned warehouse.</p>
<p>“Underhill,-“ Alec gasps in surprise when a wave of terror hits him through his bond. His hand reaches automatically for their rune, pressing against it. <em> Jace. </em> Instantly, Alec knows that this has nothing to do with the demon they hunted or another demon. The darkness that hits him is of another quality. It’s another kind of evil, where he doesn’t know the origin of. But it’s somehow connected to Jace. He has no idea what is going on with Jace, he just knows he has to get to him. Fast. Jace needs him.</p>
<p>“Underhill, Whitelaw, you’ll follow my lead and cover me.” It’s not what he wanted to say, but it's what he says now. He skips the scouting of the perimeter; he skips every part of being cautious and responsible, as it will only slow them down and he has no time to lose. The bow stays untouched on his back, instead Alec draws his blades. They kill faster than his arrows and for once, Alec cannot care about being careful himself. Without waiting for an answer, he storms into the warehouse, jumping headfirst into danger. But the terror that emanates from their rune leaves him no choice. Jace needs him and that is all that counts.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec storms into the Institute without looking left or right. He throws his blood- and ichor-stained weapons into the intended box without stopping.</p>
<p>“Underhill, give my mother a full report,” he barks but is already leaving towards their quarters. He doesn’t wait for Underhill to acknowledge the order. He couldn’t care less.</p>
<p>The corridor before their rooms is quiet, no sound is to be heard. But Alec doesn’t let this calm his tensed nerves. Jace always applies a silencing rune. Without having to check Jace’s room first, Alec heads straight to his own. He has no doubt to find Jace in there, the bond is as open and clear as it can be, leading him to his Parabatai.</p>
<p>He enters the room and a second later he is on the bed. Jace is tossing and turning in his sleep, groaning and whimpering, his hands clenching into fists around nothing. A thin layer of sweat shimmers on his forehead. Without thinking, Alec throws himself on top of Jace, covering him with his body, taking his hands in his and pressing them down into the mattress to hinder him from jerking.</p>
<p>“I’m here now, Jace. You’re no longer alone. Wake up, Jace. I’m here.” Alec whispers while he presses Jace further into the mattress, using his full weight to ground Jace. For a few seconds Jace fights against him, pushing against the sudden restrain, but then his body goes lax and he stops struggling. His breathing gets more even and Alec realizes that Jace is still not fully awake.</p>
<p>He sighs when he watches Jace’s exhausted features. Blue veins are visible on his eyelids, a harsh contrast to the ashen skin tone that turns a nearly purple shade under his eyes. He bends down to kiss Jace’s closed eyelids, brushing his lips tenderly over the soft skin. He doesn’t stop there, he peppers Jace’s whole face with soft kisses. The small crinkles in the corner of his eyes, the top of Jace’s nose, the corner of his mouth that is graced with a tiny, white scar only Alec sees, the scratchy stubble on his cheeks.</p>
<p>He doesn’t stop when Jace starts squirming under him, he just continues kissing Jace’s face. He feels Jace push slightly against him, trying to free himself from his hold. But Alec knows that it’s not a real fight. It’s just Jace’s way of making sure that Alec is truly here. That he is here and capable of holding him. So he just increases the pressure to Jace’s hands, making himself a little heavier until Jace stops fighting and just lays pliant under him, his breathing still a little ragged.</p>
<p>“You’re here.” Jace’s voice is still raspy from sleep and tainted with a hint of wonder.</p>
<p>Alec just hums in response and keeps kissing Jace, following down his sharp jawline until he reaches his lips. He nips tenderly at his bottom lip, taking it in between his own, pulling lightly on it until Jace opens his mouth to let him in. Instantly Alec pushes his tongue inside, licking into Jace’s hot mouth, sucking softly on his tongue until Jace’s breathing fully calms to pick up speed again for different reasons. Just then Alec pulls away to lock eyes with Jace.  </p>
<p>“Talk to me, Jace.”</p>
<p>For a second Alec thinks Jace will do that, but then he avoids him again, turning his head a fraction to be able to look away. Alec groans in frustration, but he is having none of it. He grabs Jace’s chin forcefully to turn his head back. The small hiss Jace makes tells him that he is holding a little too tight, but he doesn’t care right now.</p>
<p>“I’m here, Jace, and I won’t go anywhere. Ever. Talk. To. Me.” It’s not a plea this time, it’s a clear order. Alec draws in a breath while waiting, his eyes never leaving Jace’s. He has no idea what to do if Jace doesn’t answer.</p>
<p>“I fell asleep.” Jace finally says after the silence has stretched out for too long to be still comfortable. Alec hums again and presses a soft kiss to Jace’s lips as a reward but he remains quiet. It’s Jace who needs to talk, not him. Alec thinks he can hear the time ticking away, while he just lays on top of Jace, encaging him with his body, his hands still pining Jace’s to the mattress.</p>
<p>“I’m having nightmares again.” Jace looks up at him, waiting for a response. But Alec just kisses him again, without saying a word. “Alec!” Jace huffs his complaint. He clearly expects Alec to take over the talking now. Alec licks his lips, but eventually he gives in.</p>
<p>“And what makes these nightmares different to the ones you used to have? Why do you think you have to hide again? It’s me, Jace.” Alec tries to keep the accusation out of his voice. If he allows himself to go down this road, Jace will close off immediately.</p>
<p>Jace chews his bottom lip, taking his time to answer. But he is not hiding, so Alec just waits. Jace shifts slightly under him to get into a more comfortable position, Alec allowing it as Jace clearly doesn’t try to pull away from him.</p>
<p>“When I was little, there were monsters in my dreams. Monsters that scared me,” Jace says and Alec just nods to it. He knows all that.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t be here.” Jace tenses under him again and looks away. <em> Avoiding </em>him again.</p>
<p>The sudden change in Jace takes Alec by surprise, but he is not begging down now. “Where else should I be, Jace?” He intensifies his grip on Jace’s wrists, digging his nails into his skin until Jace wheezes.</p>
<p>“Anywhere but near me.”</p>
<p>Alec barely understands the whispered words. “But I am here, and I will go nowhere. And if you don’t start to talk to me, I’ll punch you.” Alec knows he sounds a little desperate but can’t help it. He is desperate. Jace slips away in front of his eyes and he needs to stop him.</p>
<p>And it seems it helps. A small smile is tugging on Jace’s reluctant lips. “You wouldn’t.”</p>
<p>“Try me.”</p>
<p>But when Jace opens his lips to answer, Alec is quicker. He seals his mouth with his own, kissing Jace like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. He pours all of himself into this kiss, showing Jace how much he wants him, that no matter what, he will always be there. Right next to Jace if he wants it or not. But he very much prefers it when Jace does. He opens his side of the bond wide, and as much as he forces Jace’s lips open with his demanding tongue, he forces Jace to open his side of the bond as well.</p>
<p>For a moment, the bond is flooded with a mix of feelings; the aftermath of Jace’s terror, the guilt he feels, the shame. But Alec pushes harder and soon all that is left in their bond is his love for Jace, the want, the desire, but also his concern. He smiles when Jace’s side of the bond turns from dark into bright, when he starts to feel Jace’s love for him seep into the bond, meeting his own feelings halfway.</p>
<p>When he pulls away, he leaves Jace breathless. He is panting softly through his kiss-swollen, half-opened lips and Alec has to use all his willpower not to kiss him again.</p>
<p>“Now, Jace.” Jace still needs to talk.</p>
<p>“When I was little,” Jace starts again, still reluctantly, but he starts, “I was afraid of the monsters that haunted me. Now <em> I </em> am the monster, Alec. I am.”</p>
<p>Alec removes his hands from Jace’s wrist to cup his face, tenderly this time. “You’re not a monster, Jace. What makes you say this? And even if you were, I would still love you. I will always love you.”</p>
<p>Jace rolls his eyes and bites his lip. “Don’t say that, Alec. You don’t know me. Not since I’m back. I am a monster, and you can’t-“</p>
<p>“Don’t tell me what I can or can’t do, Jace. I loved you long before I even knew what love is. I will always love you. Because I <em> know </em> you. I have literally a piece of your soul in mine, Jace. You’re <em> not </em> a monster. Just because there’s darkness doesn’t mean you’re dark. If this is the case then I am a monster, too.”</p>
<p>Jace huffs at Alec’s words. “You’re not dark, Alec. Stop saying that. But you feel it too? My darkness? I’m not losing my mind?” Jace sounds a little hopeful but also a little scared.</p>
<p>“I felt it today for the first time when you had the nightmare. There <em> is </em> something dark. But this is not you. It’s something else. Something strange that is not supposed to be there. And we will find this something and battle it. Together. I will not go anywhere. You’re always the place I want to be, Jace. This will never change.” With that Alec bends down to kiss Jace, hoping to emphasize with his body what his words lack to tell. That Jace is all his world and ever will be.</p>
<p>This time, Alec doesn’t stop the kissing. He rolls a little off Jace, but still covers his legs with his own. He just continues while he lets his hand trail down Jace’s upper body, searching and finding his nipple. He plays a little with it, tweaking and pinching it until the little nub is hardening and Jace moans softly into his mouth. He lets his hand roam further, stroking Jace’s body, caressing it with little scratches, altering using his nails and just his fingertips until goosebumps spread over Jace’s whole body and Jace’s moans between their kisses get louder and needier.</p>
<p>“You’re mine, Jace. You belong to me and no one and nothing will take you from me. No person, no fear, no insecurity, no darkness. You’re mine.” With that he slips his hand into Jace’s sweatpants. Alec grins when he finds Jace already half hard just from their kissing and his exploring hands. He starts to palm Jace, his grin deepening when Jace’s hips try to come off the bed to buck into his hand. But Alec uses his legs to press Jace down again. Jace huffs, but surrenders to Alec and tries to stop his movements. Alec rewards him with more pressure, rubbing his heel over Jace’s quickly hardening cock, increasing the speed before he squeezes his cock again.</p>
<p>With a regretful groan Alec pulls away from Jace’s mouth. He takes a moment to admire Jace’s lust-hazy eyes and his red lips, before he moves on. Slowly he kisses his way down, sucking on Jace’s pulse point just over the Stamina rune he applied earlier and which is still faintly visible until Jace starts to jerk away from the light pain. Alec sucks just a little longer to enlarge the bruise – because he likes the look on Jace and just because he can. Just because he likes it when he makes Jace squirm like that.</p>
<p>With a wicked grin he kneads Jace’s cock through the thin fabric, Jace’s small moan which turns into a groan indicating that he just applies the right pressure, while licking soothingly over the bruise he just left on Jace’s throat.</p>
<p>Alec ignores the little whine and the pleading <em> Alec </em> when he removes his hand from Jace’s dick. He is determined to take Jace apart, to show him that he wants every part of him, no matter what. When his lips find Jace’ already abused nipple, he sucks at it, using his teeth to scratch over the sensitive flesh, Jace’s moans urging him on until he bites down and Jace cries out in pleasure. Alec knows there will be blooming marks the next day and he can’t wait to see them. He can’t wait for <em> Jace </em>to see them.</p>
<p>With quick movements he discards his own clothes and throws them on the floor, not caring that a few strains of blood and ichor are left on his skin. If Jace doesn’t complain he sure as hell won’t stop to clean himself. Jace lifts his hips invitingly and Alec complies to the silent plea and removes his pants but leaves the boxers on for now. Jace’s low and frustrated groan makes him chuckle. He enjoys having Jace at his mercy. He ignores his own aching cock and focuses on Jace. This is about Jace, not so much about him. </p>
<p>Though a lot is still new for Alec, he has lost all of his shyness. It’s Jace, the boy he has loved for half his life and who loves him back. There is no need to be shy about anything. He trusts Jace enough to tell him if he ever does something Jace doesn’t like, as much as he trusts himself to do the same.</p>
<p>Slowly he starts to mouth at Jace’s clothed cock, taking in his delicious, musky scent. He is more than pleased to already taste Jace through the fabric, telling him that Jace is already leaking pre-come. He presses kisses to Jace’s cock, before he takes one of his balls into his mouth, opening his jaw wide until it nearly hurts to fit it in. He uses his teeth lightly, knowing the fabric will prevent Jace from getting hurt, and also knowing that Jace loves an edge to the pleasure.</p>
<p>Jace’s panting gets ragged and he clutches at the sheets forcefully now, moaning with desire and want. But not yet at the point to beg, but Alec is sure he’ll get him there. Alec pulls teasingly at the waistband of the boxer, letting it smack back, grinning when he hears the frustrated grunt with which Jace’s answers the teasing. He plays a little longer with Jace's cock through the fabric, squeezing it more strongly just to stroke it tenderly the next moment, while reaching for the lube in their bedside drawer and placing it next to him. Only then he finally gives in and pulls down Jace’s underwear.</p>
<p>Jace’s hard cock pronks free, making Jace sigh happily. Alec licks teasingly over it a few times, before he takes the tip between his lips, swirling his tongue over the head, slipping it into the slit to get all the pre-come he can reach. He loves Jace’s taste, deep and musky and so unmistakably Jace. His own cocks starts to leak when he takes Jace in deeper. He looks up at Jace to find his eyes rolling back in his head, while his knuckles turn white from the sheer force with which he holds on to the sheets.</p>
<p>The pop of the opening lube rings loud through the room and for a moment Alec feels Jace tense, but when he takes him in just a little deeper, hollowing his cheeks while his tongue still swirls around his length, Jace relaxes again.</p>
<p>It’s not easy but Alec manages to pour some lube on his fingers while he still has Jace’s cock in his mouth, swallowing him deeper with every bop of his head. He circles Jace’s entrance a while, rubbing over it with his thumb, pressing against it, circling again until Jace tries to push back onto his fingers impatiently. Alec chuckles around Jace’s cock, the vibrations making Jace moan even louder, sending shivers down his spine. He pushes one finger in, but just to the first knuckle, which earns him another indignante groan.</p>
<p>Jace pushes back harder and Alec’s finger slips in easily. Alec loves the feeling of breaching Jace, how the tight ring of muscles gives way to his intrusion. How Jace shudders when he pushes in deeper until his whole finger is buried inside him. He loves the silent pleas Jace gives with his body by pushing back on his finger, taking him in deeper and faster. Pleas Jace would never voice aloud, but to Alec they are as clear as if Jace says them. Alec loves how vulnerable Jace lets himself be, that he trusts him enough to let loose and just take what Alec is giving.</p>
<p>Carefully he works a second finger in alongside his first, starting to fuck Jace gently, aiming for the bundle of nerves inside him that he knows will make Jace scream. He fucks Jace in the same rhythm as he blows him. The deeper he pushes into Jace’s ass, the deeper he takes Jace into his mouth, until he feels Jace’s cock slide into his throat, making him nearly gag. But he fights the reflex and stays down as long as he can before he pulls up to catch air.</p>
<p>The next time he takes Jace into his throat, he adds a third finger, making Jace’s back arch from the bed which pushes Jace’s cock even deeper into Alec’s throat. Alec’s fingers hit Jace’s prostate now with every thrust, while trying to swallow him down to the hilt, until his nose is nestled into Jace’s pubic hair. He cannot get enough of the small whimpers and moans that spill out of Jace’s mouth in an endless, uncontrolled stream. When he slips his pinky in together with the other three fingers, Jace is lost. He yelps helplessly Alec’s name when he comes down Alec‘s throat, his whole body spasming with the orgasm. His joy floods their bond and Alec has to control himself not to follow him instantly. </p>
<p>Alec stays down on Jace’s cock as long as he can, until his lungs seem to burst if he doesn’t get oxygen into them. But he enjoys the feeling of Jace’s orgasm too much to pull off sooner. When he looks up to meet Jace’s eyes he is very pleased to notice that Jace looks wrecked. It’s the best look on him Alec has seen in days.</p>
<p>“Please, Alec.”</p>
<p>Alec cannot help the smug smile when he hears Jace’s pleading. But he also cannot help but comply, his own cock aching from neglect and his own need spiking with desire. He takes the invitation Jace gives by opening his legs wide and he slides in between them. He sighs contentedly when he lines himself up and pushes into Jace, kissing him while his cock enters Jace’s body.</p>
<p>Both moan deeply when Alec bottoms out and for a moment, they just kiss, sloppy and lazy, enjoying their closeness and their joint bodies, before Alec starts to move. He rolls his hips, while his hands find Jace’s, interlacing their fingers. Jace’s legs fall apart even wider until they are spread as wide as possible to give Alec all the room he needs.</p>
<p>Alec kisses Jace’s throat, his ear, his lips while his hips snap for and back, pulling out just to push in again a second later. Jace moves in the same rhythm, meeting his thrust every time to get him in as deep as possible. Jace clenches down on Alec’s cock and Alec groans helplessly, the feeling nearly too much. Jace feels hot and perfect around him, the tightness sending shivers down Alec’s body every time he pushes back into Jace. </p>
<p>“Jace,” Alec moans softly when he feels his orgasm approach and he slams into Jace one last time. Jace slings his legs around his waist to pull him in even closer, while Alec shudders under his climax. Jace strokes his hair and they start to kiss again, deep and lazy, without rush, just with tender care.</p>
<p>Both boys groan when Alec slips out of Jace, but they don’t stop kissing. With a small sigh Alec draws away, trying to catch his breath. He maps out the outline of Jace’s face with his finger, letting it run over his jawline, his chin, his lips.</p>
<p>“You look so beautiful like this,” he murmurs before pressing another kiss to Jace’s lips.</p>
<p>“Like what?” Jace smiles at the compliment and kisses back.</p>
<p>“Wrecked. Wrecked because of me.” Alec blushes at the confession, but it’s true. He loves the dazed look in Jace’s eyes, the flushed cheeks, the marks that turn already from blue to purple. He lies still on top of Jace and he has no intention to leave soon, and the way Jace's arms are slung around his shoulders and his body lies pliant under him, Alec knows that Jace is completely on board with that.</p>
<p>“And I don’t look beautiful otherwise?” Jace asks with a glint in his eyes.</p>
<p>Alec just laughs. “You know very well how you look, Jace. You know you are the most beautiful boy to me. And do you know what you are as well? Mine. Completely mine. Don’t hide from me, Jace. Never from me. We can handle everything, but only when we handle it together.”</p>
<p>“It’s just-“</p>
<p>But Alec is quick to silence him with a deep kiss. “There is no <em> just</em>, Jace. If you go down, we will go down together. I felt the darkness, Jace. I know it’s there. And we will battle it. We will win. Besides, since when are you afraid of the dark?”</p>
<p>Jace smiles at Alec’s words, the truth slowly seeping in until he fully believes it. Alec is right. He stopped being afraid of the dark years ago. He stopped because he found his light. And right now, his light lies comfortably on top of him, grounding him and peppering kisses to his face. There really is no reason to be afraid.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and kudos are loved 💙</p></blockquote></div></div>
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